We leave in 5 days. My husband and I feel it now: the uncertainty…the weight of ending and starting again.
I’m surprised by how different this leaving is from the last time we left. Six years ago we left the USA for the middle east. We were leaving, but certain to return (at least to visit family). We were embarking on a new future, all ready, secured, and decided.
This is shockingly different for me. The peace we have in our decision has done little to stay our doubt. We are leaving, probably never to return. There are no guaranteed reasons (or funds) to call us back here to the smells, the food, the people, the FRIENDS. We are slowly and quietly moving in with parents. Confident it is the best choice for us, yet our pride cries out at us all that we don’t know: jobs, schools, and futures.
Times like this are hard. Times like this, our insecurities run rampant. All those little monsters we keep neatly folder in the bottom drawers of our soul..break free and wreak havoc on our mental state. At this point in an around the world move, we lack the motivation or stability to put them in their place. So they run.
But then God surprises us. He sends someone. A friend calls and asks how we are really doing and prays right there on the phone. We both cry. She doesn’t know her prayer echoes the words God has shown us today:
All that matters is that we find our identity in Him. He calls us BELOVED. That is all that matters. All of it. If we don’t cling to this, the monsters will run wild.